Dreaming Of You
by igobacktoblack
Summary: I love write Brittana angst inspired by Adele's songs. This one is inspired in one of her covers. Brittany dies in a car accident and Santana doesn't know what to do.
1. dead?

**Inspired by Adele's cover and this photoset: ****http:/ bornatnight. tumblr .com /post/ 13685581898 **

**Chapter 1: Dead.**

It was a normal day, at least that's you thought. You were kind of alone because Brittany was on a trip with her parents.

She is your girlfriend now and you couldn't be more proud. You are out of the closet. It wasn't the way you planned, but the truth was finally out. People talk and point at you in corridors but you honestly don't care.

You are in math class, but you don't pay attention, you feel something.. a bad feeling. You try to ignore, but it's getting worse. It's hard to breathe. So you close your eyes and try to focus. It's like something happened. Your heart is dying. Maybe you're having a stroke..

"Santana?" you heard someone calling "Santana Lopez?"

You open your eyes and the teacher points to the door. You look and meet Mr. Schue's eyes.

"Can you please join me? It's important. Bring your things."

"Alright.." you say in a low voice.

Your grab your stuff and walk out the door.

"What?"

"Let's go." He touches your arm.

"Where?" you arch our eyebrow.

"Sue's office. We have something to tell you."

You open your mouth, but you don't say a thing. Just follow him to Sue's office.

"Santana.. sit." Sue says.

You frown when notice Burt Hummel there. Wait.. but he and Sue don't hate each other? And suddenly you remember the last time you were there with those 3. 2 months ago, when you saw the video that announced to the world you were a lesbian.

So you know this can't be good. You sit and wait.

"There's something I need to tell you." She says.

"I just want to say that I'm really sorry, Santana." Mr. Schue says.

"This is something I've dealt with first-hand so I'm always here for you if you need to talk about." Burt completes.

"What.. are you talking about?"

"It's about Brittany." Your coach says and your heart stops. _This can't be good._ "She was killed a few hours ago in a car accident."

You don't react because you don't know how to react. This can't be truth '_She must be lying' _you think. Because you can't handle if she's actually dead.

"She and her parents died, the police thinks that something happened with the car, but it was raining very hard.."

"I can't believe this is happening!" you cut her.

"I am so sorry.."

You start to cry and shook your head.

"I didn't even get to tell her goodbye!" you yell and run away.

No, Brittany isn't dead. Because if she is, you are too. When you lose something you love, you lose everything. She is the only thing that makes you believe life can be better.

Love. This damn feeling. You always said to yourself that you wouldn't fall in love. Why? Because when you fall in love, you become weak. And life destroys everyone who is weak.

But.. life can't be trick. It sends you a beautiful blonde girl who rocked your world.

Maybe life wanted to bring you down.

You go to your house and you can't be with anyone right now. You open your bedroom's door and see your pictures with her. Everything with her..

You can't even remember how life was before here. It's like Edward said in New Moon: life before Bella was dark and when she came, it was like a meteor across his sky.. there was beauty. And when she was gone, life was dark again.

Brittany was your Bella.

You know you won't love someone like you love her. You don't believe how you loved this one yet.

Then, you hear a beep and find your phone on the bed. Every step you take is careful, you take the phone and read.

"_A new message from Brittany"_

Your heart is racing, you have hope. Maybe she isn't dead, maybe they made confusion and another Brittany was dead.

But you read the message and you can't deny anymore.

"_We're coming back, but the weather is bad. I'm scared ): I love you so much, Santana. I miss you."_

You fall on the floor, crying again. Brittany, _the love of your life_, is dead.

The pain in your chest, that came in math class, is still there.

You know it will never go away.


	2. flashback

When everybody finds out, of course they wanna make sure that you're okay.

And, _of course_, you're _not._

After you found out, you decide to give up.

You're no longer the captain of the cheerios, you're no longer popular. You don't wanna even get up and live, you just don't care.

Your mom says you're depressed.

Sure, the girl that made your world perfect left you.

Your friends in New Directions try to help you, but you're too proud to accept.

You can't accept that Brittany is dead. The last thing you need is everyone feeling sorry for you.

_Pity._ They feel that when look at you. You rather die than people feeling pity for you.

It's been only 3 days you got the news, but you're pretty sure it feels forever. One second without her is the eternity.

You decide to skip class and just lay on your bed, your mother protests, but you don't mind. You just need to me alone.

You isolated yourself, you don't wanna be around anyone.

Every thought that crosses your mind is about her. Your moments with her, the happiness you used to feel.

But the memory you can't forget is the last time you saw her. It keeps hunting you.

If you only knew what would happen…

Life taught you, in the most horrible way, that you can't control the fate.

You're just one piece of the game. And life plays with everyone.

You can't help yourself and get back to your last moment with Brittany.

_It's a Saturday night and you just passed by your girlfriend's house to hug her._

_Since you two came out of the closet, you do that a lot._

_Every public display of affection is important. You wasted too much time hiding your feelings._

_She's gonna travel with her parents. It's just 4 days, but who cares? You're gonna fucking miss her._

_You knock on the door and wait. Her mom shows up and smiles._

"_Hey Santana, I'll call Brittany. Please… don't take too long, we have to be awake very early."_

"_Don't worry, Mrs. Pierce. I just wanna wish a good trip. It's going to be quick."_

"_Okay."_

_She called her daughter and of course, she almost runs. When you see her, you open your arms and she jumps, hugging you tightly._

"_Hey baby" she says excited._

"_Hello, how are you?"_

"_Fine. I'm little anxious I don't see my grandma since I was 14! I miss her."_

"_Of course you do. But don't I get a kiss?"_

"_Oh.. let me think." She put a hand on her hips. You fake surprise. "Just kidding!"_

_She kisses you and it feels different. Better than your usual kisses._

"_I promised your mom it was going to be quick. I just passed by to wish you a good trip, say hello to your grandma."_

_Her face fells and she holds your hand._

"_Please don't go."_

"_I have to, baby. Your mom is going to be angry and we don't wanna that. So I'm gonna kiss you one more time and you're going to sleep. Okay?"_

_She nods, still sad. But when your lips touch hers, everything is past. She has that power, you can forget the world, as long you're with her._

You have no idea, but it's your last kiss.

_You can come with us."_

"_No, I can't. It's your family. If I was there, you wouldn't leave the room." You giggle._

_She joins you and hugs you one last time._

"_I love you, Santana. So.. so much!"_

"_Me too, Britt. I love you more than anything. I know it's only 4 days, but I'm going to miss you."_

"_So am I."_

_You kiss her cheek, she whispers her last 'I love you' and you wave, whispering you love her back. She closes the door and you leave._

It's like a movie in front of you.

You wish you were with her. Maybe convincing her mom and just travel with them. Because if you were with the Pierces, you'd be dead.

But you'd be dead with her.

You didn't wanna die before the accident, but you don't see a point to stay alive now.

You wouldn't care if you died with her. Actually you'd be happy, because when she died, she took your heart with her.

You know: when pain comes this deep, this hard, you don't see other options.

Now, you just have to struggle with the pain and conform to the fact that memories and flashbacks are the only thing you have.


	3. the funeral

You open your eyes. It's a brand new day.

You'd be happy. But then you remember it's going to be the saddest day of your life.

_The funeral._

It's the last time you're going to see her. Actually, her body. Her soul.. you know she's in a better place. At least, you hope.

You put a black dress and make up. You go to a little church and meet the rest of the glee club, Mr. Schue, the cheerios, Sue..

When everybody sees you, you can smell the pity. Quinn gets up and takes you sit with your friends. They put their hands on your shoulder and tell they're sorry.

You aren't angry. Because they've lost a friend too. They didn't love her like you, but they love her.

You don't cry during the speeches. Until you have to say something.

Quinn helps you again, because you're weak, you don't eat for days. You're thinner, paler.. You go near the 3 coffins and see her. She's beautiful, even.. dead. Looking like an angel, it looks like she's sleeping.

Of.. if she was just sleeping, things wouldn't be so complicated.

Everyone is looking at you, you can feel, but you can't take your eyes off her. You take her hand in yours. It's _cold._ It breaks your heart ever more. Or breaks whatever is there now. If there was any part of you hoping that it's a dream, the coldness of her hand ends any hope.

"Brittany was my girlfriend. Was. It hurts so badly when I have to say verbs in past. Because… Brittany, you're the love of my life." You start to say to her. People may think you're crazy, but you don't give a fuck. "You'll always be. You're everything to me. Why did you have to go: I wanna go with you, baby." You start to cry "You gave me reasons to move on. I wish you were here. I miss you.. Now I'm alone. I don't think I'll handle. I love you. I'll always be yours."

You break down and Quinn holds you. You just hug her.

"Every thought I have, awake or sleeping, is about you. I already miss you, baby. You took my heart with you."

Your friends take you outside, you know you can't handle see the rest. So you just beg to get out. Puck takes you home and helps you to go to your bedroom.

"Do you wanna be alone?" he asks.

Surprisingly, you shook your head.

"I know I've been a bitch, but I didn't deserve this, did I?"

"Of course not, Santana."

"Can you hug me?"

He nods and put his big arms around you. He says some words to comfort you. But it's useless.

After an hour or 2, he leaves.

You cry 'til you sleep. In theory, it'd be the best time. But it isn't. You dream about her every time you close your eyes. And you think about her every time you open them.

When you sleep, you dream about the reality you wish to have. When you wake up, you have the reality you deserve.


	4. dreaming of you

**This is the last chapter. I hope you all enjoy! *-***

It's been 3 months since Brittany died, but you act and feel like you just found out.

Your life is a nightmare. The memories keep hunting you, with the memories comes the pain.

You tried to go to school, but you don't have the strength to get out of your room. So your friends come and teach you, so you don't have problems. At least.

You had to leave glee club, because you can't sing or dance without remember Brittany. You can't do anything without remember her.

Now, you're lay in your bed, crying. And when you open your eyes, you can't believe what you're seeing.

It's _her._ Sitting on the corner of the bed.

"Brittany?" you sit, with your eyes wide open.

"Hey baby.." she smiles.

"What's happening? You're dead, I saw you in the coffin.."

"I know. I'_m _dead."

Ok, you're pretty sure you're crazy. Her death drove you crazy.

"So how am I speaking to you?"

"Because it's time."

"Time for what?"

"We have to talk. Santana, I've seen you every day since I died."

"And you could talk to me all this time? And you didn't?"

"I'm sorry, Santana. But it wouldn't be fair."

"It's not fair I suffered all this time when you could do something!"

"San.. don't be mad at me. But it's best for you."

"How? I'm in _pain._"

"I know and.. it's time to move on."

"What?"

"I know you love me. I know you always will. I heard your speech. But I didn't suffer in my death. It was quick."

"It doesn't matter! You're _dead. _We can't be together."

"Yes, we can. When you die."

"So.. what I'm doing here? Let's end this and we can be together forever!"

You stood up, happy. For the 1st time in 3 months.

"No."

As fast it comes, as fast it goes.

"Why? Don't you wanna be with me?"

"Of course I want! But in the right time. You have your whole life to live."

"I don't wanna live it without you."

"Santana." She says angrily. "Please.. think of me."

"I do! All the fucking time! When I'm awake, when I'm sleeping.. you're the only thing that crosses my mind!"

"So, if you love me, promise me you won't do anything."

"I promise." You can't say no to her.

"Thanks." She smiles.

"I think its fine, 'cause you can come here and we talk –

"No."

You frown.

"Why?"

"This is the first and the last time I come here.. in spirit."

"What? No!"

"I..-

"Brittany, no! Please! Stay with me!"

"I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"Santana, I waited for you to move on. I'm suffering too. I can't rest in peace until you move on."

"_I'm_ making you suffer?"

"No. but you will if you don't move on. Let me rest in peace, I'll be always with you."

"But why fate broke us apart?"

"I don't know, life isn't fair."

"I know."

"Do you know the last thought I had?"

You shook your head.

"_You._ How much I love _you._"

You're crying again and she puts her hand on yours. You can't feel it (of course), but you feel a tickle.

"We'll always love each other. In the end, we'll be together. But now, you'll live your life. Be happy. For me."

You nod. Her words make sense. You'll always miss her, but you have the chance to live _her _dreams. To accomplish _her_ goals.

So you decide to live.

For _her._

"I have to go." She says.

"I'd ask you to stay, but it'll be useless, right?"

She nods.

"I love you, Brittany."

"I love you too, Santana."

"Forever." You two say together.

She disappears and you let yourself cry for the last time.

That day you promised one thing: you'd do _anything_ to make Brittany's dreams come true. Make her proud. Because she'll be with you forever.

And when you go to sleep, you swear you feel the same tickle you felt in your hand when she touched you. But this time, on the lips.

You sleep smiling, then.

In the next day, you wake up totally different. You put your clothes, eat breakfast and go to school. The first thing you do is meet Sue and demand to be the Capitan of cheerios again.

She was surprised to see you, but in the end, you come out wearing the red outfit.

Everyone have the same look that Sue had when sees you. You're back. Meaner than ever. Being the old Santana.

You go to choir room and hear Mr. Schue saying something, but stops when realize no one is paying attention. He turns around and..

"Santana!"

You smile.

"Hello."

"How are you?"

"I'm.. fine. Finally."

"I'm glad. So.. you're back."

"Yes. I'd like to know if I can come back to New Directions."

"Of course! You'll always have a place here. Take a seat."

"Actually, can I sing?"

"Hm.. sure."

"Well.. I wanna thank everyone. For helping and supporting me."

They smile.

"I'm moving on. I'll always love and miss Brittany, but I know we're meant to be together._ Someday_." You smile. "For now, I don't wanna her. I want to live and make her dreams come true."

You go to the band and tell which song you want to sing. The song starts and you just think of her.

_What's up with my heart when it skips a beat  
>Can't feel no pavement right under my feet<em>

_Up in my lonely room  
>When I'm dreaming of you<br>Oh what can I do  
>I still need you, but<br>I don't want you now_

This song was made for you, you're sure. You need her, you will until you die. But now, you have a mission on Earth. And you won't die until you finish it.

_When I'm down and my hands are tied  
>I cannot reach a pen for me to draw the line<br>From this pain I just can't disguise  
>It's gonna hurt but I'll have to say goodbye<em>

You feel that tickle again in your hand and you know she's there. Maybe it's time to say goodbye. It'll hurt, but it's for the best.

_Up in my lonely room  
>When I'm dreaming of you<br>Oh what can I do  
>I still need you, but<br>I don't want you now_

_Oh yeah_

_Oh Oh_

_Up in my lonely room  
>When I'm dreaming of you<br>Oh what can I do  
>I still need you, but<br>I don't want you now_

You smile and you're sure she is doing the same.

Your glee club fellas come to hug you.

You're not alone. You have your friends and you have her.

You'll miss her every day, everyone know it. But it's time to move on. She's dead and you can't do anything.

You have to content with dreams. And one day, you'll find her.

So you can be together forever.

Now.. you just wait.


End file.
